There Is No One Way to Live

I had a dream last night that brought me back to a conversation I had in real life.

I was sitting at a round table with other people, and we were talking about life, circumstances, choices, and the different ways people choose to live. We talked about how there really isn't one definition of the American Dream because everybody's idea of what they want their life to look like is different.

And honestly, I think we need to talk about that more.

There is no one way to live.

Everybody has a different starting point.

Everybody has different circumstances.

Everybody has different resources, responsibilities, desires, and dreams.

So why are we so quick to judge somebody else's path?

People are always so quick to tell somebody what they should have done.

“You should have gone to school.”

“You should have gotten a regular job.”

“You should have invested.”

“You should have done this.”

“You should have done that.”

But here's the thing:

You don't know what somebody else's life requires of them.

You don't know what they had to do to survive.

You don't know what resources they had access to.

You don't know if they had people supporting them.

You don't know what their environment looked like.

You don't know what they were carrying while trying to make the decisions you're now judging.

And I can speak about this personally.

I've always known that I didn't want a traditional life.

Even when I was a child, I had an idea of how I wanted to live. The way I'm choosing to live now isn't something I randomly decided I wanted one day. This is something I've wanted for a very long time.

I've always wanted to create my own life.

I've always wanted to follow my own path.

I've never looked at the traditional route and thought, That's definitely what I want.

And I don't say that because I think a traditional life is bad.

It's just not my dream.

That's an important distinction.

For a long time, I also found myself pushing toward certain things because I thought I was supposed to.

I was trying so hard to accomplish certain things, but eventually I had to ask myself:

Why am I actually doing this?

And the answer wasn't always because I wanted it.

Sometimes it was because I wanted approval.

Sometimes it was because I wanted to feel like I was doing what my family expected me to do.

Sometimes it was because I thought I needed to prove something.

And eventually I realized:

I don't want to spend my life working toward things that don't actually matter to the life I'm trying to build.

That realization changed things for me.

I didn't have the kind of support I needed in school or in other areas of my life. I didn't always have an environment where I could simply focus and thrive. There were other circumstances happening around me that made certain things much harder than they might have looked from the outside.

Could I have continued pushing myself?

Probably.

But at some point, I had to be honest with myself.

Was this actually necessary for the future I wanted?

If the answer was no, then why was I exhausting myself trying to accomplish it?

I don't want to waste my energy just to be able to tell somebody that I did something that I never even cared about.

I'd rather put that energy into the things I actually want to see grow.

If I'm building a business, I want to put my energy into building that business.

If I'm creating something, I want to put my energy into creating it.

If I'm working toward a goal, I want it to be a goal that actually means something to me.

Because what's the point of spending years accomplishing things that don't bring you any closer to the life you actually want?

I remember talking to someone who questioned me about why I wasn't doing certain things.

And I realized something:

I couldn't give them the answer they wanted because their question was based on a path I never wanted in the first place.

If I ever choose to do some of those things, it won't be because I suddenly need them to validate me.

It will be because I want to.

There's a difference.

I'm not interested in collecting accomplishments simply because society considers them impressive.

I'm interested in building a life that actually feels like mine.

And that's where I think we get into trouble when we judge other people.

We assume that everybody wants what we want.

We assume everybody should pursue the same definition of success.

We assume everybody should take the same steps.

But what if they don't?

What if somebody genuinely doesn't want the life you're telling them they should have?

What if their priorities are completely different?

What if the thing you're telling them they need isn't actually necessary for the future they're building?

That's why I believe people need to be careful about giving unsolicited opinions about someone else's life.

Because you are not them.

You don't know what they want.

You don't know what they've been through.

You don't know what they're working toward.

And most importantly, you don't know what their definition of success is.

I've had people question choices I've made, and sometimes I don't tell people everything about my life for that exact reason.

Not because I'm ashamed.

Not because I don't know what I'm doing.

And not because I need somebody else's permission.

I simply don't need everyone to understand my life.

I'm not living my life so other people can approve of it.

I'm living it because this is the life I wanted.

And I'm happy I chose it.

Because if I had forced myself down a path that wasn't actually aligned with who I am or what I wanted, I might have ended up struggling in a completely different way.

I might have accomplished things that looked good from the outside and still been miserable on the inside.

And what would have been the point?

That's why I don't believe everyone needs to follow the same blueprint.

Some people want the corporate career.

Some don't.

Some people want college.

Some don't.

Some people want marriage.

Some don't.

Some people want children.

Some don't.

Some people want to build a business.

Some people want a stable nine-to-five.

Some people want to travel.

Some people want a quiet life.

Some people want something completely unconventional.

None of these choices automatically make someone better than someone else.

The American Dream isn't one-size-fits-all.

For one person, success might mean owning a home.

For another, it might mean becoming financially independent.

For another, it might mean building a business from nothing.

For another, it might simply mean having peace.

We all have different starting points.

And we don't all have the same opportunities, support systems, circumstances, or responsibilities.

So before you tell somebody what they should be doing, remember that you aren't living their life.

You weren't there for every decision they had to make.

You weren't there for every obstacle.

You weren't there for every sacrifice.

You weren't there when they had to decide what mattered most.

Nobody can speak for you when they're not in your shoes.

You can share your experience.

You can offer advice when someone asks.

You can tell someone what worked for you.

But you cannot assume that your path is the universal blueprint for everyone else.

It isn't.

And honestly?

Sometimes you need to stop worrying about how somebody else is living and mind your fucking business.

Because everybody is trying to figure this thing called life out.

Let people choose their own path.

Let people change directions.

Let people take the unconventional route.

Let people decide what success means to them.

Let people build lives that make sense to them.

Because there is no one way to live.

There is no one American Dream.

There is only the life you decide to create from the circumstances you were given.

And if you know what kind of life you want, don't let someone else's idea of success convince you that you have to abandon your own.

Your life does not have to make sense to everybody else for it to make sense to you.